She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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