i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
