Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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