someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize