so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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