Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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