There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
