She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
