I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
