He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
