your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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