Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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