Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
