I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
