oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
