can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
