TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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