I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
