I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
babies were throwing up all over the place
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
