Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
