Already got asked if we're dating
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
