Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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