He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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