In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
