dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He better not be in your backpack
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
