I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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