3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
a search helicopter?!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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