you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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