I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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