the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
