My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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