just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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