I'm lost and stupid without you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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