I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
