32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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