Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
