Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
