You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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