who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
