He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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