Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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