Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
