Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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