HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My vagina just recognized that song.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
