A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
