is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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