So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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