shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
