I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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