he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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