false alarm. still invincible.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize