i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
