its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
