There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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