May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
