sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
