I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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