I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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