Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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