At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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