I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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