apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
