I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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