imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
