Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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