i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
