If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
