don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
